Comatose
by Nixi Stasia
Summary: Inspired by Skillet's "Comatose". Set near the end of Shadow Kissed. How Rose felt once she found out Dimitri was a Strigoi. K plus because it isn't bad enough to be a T, but not innocent enough to be a K.


**AN: My first VA fic! Hope you enjoy it! **

**It's a songfic of** _Skillet's Comatose_ **which, incase you haven't guessed, I do not own. And I obviously don't own VA either- all credits go to Richelle Mead. **

**Set during** _Shadow_ _Kissed_**!**

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Comatose

Rose's POV

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I woke up, to find myself lying on a Church pew, still in yesterday's clothes. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, wondering what on earth I was doing there. Then it came to me; the Strigoi fight; the rescuse mission; the people who'd been turned Strigoi. One of which, had been the man I loved. Dimitri Belikov.

We'd just finally realised how strong our feelings for each other were and he'd even decided to give up the job as Lissa, my best friend and the last Dragomir's, guardian. Meaning that we would be able to be together, since if we were both Lissa's guardian, we would have to be paying attention to her, not each other. Since Lissa was royal, it would mean that I- as her Guardian- would be spending most of my time the the Court, seeing as that would be where Lissa would be most of the time. Dimitri, was planning on becoming a Guardian for someone else who would be spending a lot of time at the court too, meaning that we'd be able to see each other and be in as much as a proper relationship possible.

Now, none of that would ever happen. Not now that he was a Strigoi. Not now that he was somewhere out there, filled with hate and a craving more Moroi blood. Not now that he was the most dangerous, blood-thirsty inhuman creature possible. Not now, that he was something that we both hated to see walk the earth.

The amount of grief running through me was so over-powering, that it was beginning to make me feel drowsy. Even though I'd just woken up, it definitely wasn't just morning aftershock. My eyes were heavy and my head was spinning- this must've been mourning, or at least one of the side effect of the process. However, I couldn't go to sleep. Now that I couldn't think of anything but Dimitri, and what could have been, and what _had _happened, I knew that would be what I'd dream about. There would be no way of avoiding it, I knew that I would be scarred of this for the rest of my life.

I could still remember him, crystal clear. There would be no way I would ever forget him. There was no way I _could _forget him. Not even the slightest detail. Every single thing about him, would be imprinted in my mind for the rest of my life.

If I closed my eyes (I still wasn't able to fall asleep then) I could feeel him. I could sense his presence, and it wasn't the feeling of nausea I got when I became near Strigoi- there were definitely no Strigoi around here, for miles, now. Anyway, this was a different nausea. It was a gut-wrench of fake knowledge. As if I were tricking myself that he were here, with me. If I closed my eyes tighter, I could feel his touch. His warm, gently hand clench me tightly. For just a second, I could trick myself that it was real. But it wasn't. And there was no escaping that.

I had plenty of memories of him, but that wasn't enough. My memories weren't Dimitri; they were a hallucination. I'd lost Dimitri. I'd lost the love of my life.

Without Dimitri. That was now the kind of life I would be facing, a life without Dimitri.

No one else would never be able to match up to Dimitri. He'd been the love of my life. And now, he was a creature so evil that he shouldn't be allowed to walk the same land as us. Now, his love for me would have completely disappeared, just as mine would now have to for him.

But how could I forget Dimitri? Yes, he was now a Strigoi, but he hadn't always been. I knew him, as a Guardian- and one of the best, at that, too. Just because he was now a Strigoi, didn't mean I couldn't stop loving who he _had _been. But that Dimitri would never return. That Dimitri was gone.

And that Dimitri- the Dimtri I knew- wouldn't have wanted to be a Strigoi. In fact, he'd told me himself, that he'd rather be dead, than be one of them. Seeing as there were hundreds more of Strigoi out there, than Guardians (considering the amount of Dhampir's who became blood whores' and since Moroi weren't yet allowed to fight), it could be years- if not decades, before Strigoi Dimitri could be killed. Perhaps even longer when you thought about how brilliant Dimitri was as a Dhampir- how much stronger would he be as a Strigoi?

It was then, that I relised that it would have to be _me_ who would kill Strigoi Dimitri. If not, he could be living a life that the real him, wouldn't want, for perhaps forever.

Even I would rather be dead, than one of them.

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**AN: Love it? Hate it? Like it? **

**Let me know, please! :)**

**I take requests for stories to do and am always happy to co-write! **

**Anastasia xx**


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